5.5. PARENTS AND CHILDREN

5.5. PARENTS AND CHILDREN

5.5.1

Preparation

Work in pairs. Discuss the following questions.

In what ways are you similar to or different from other people in your family?
Do you think parents should be strict or easy-going?

5.5.2

Listening

Listen to the following three interviews and

answer the questions:

What kind of relationships do the children have with their parents?
Are the parents strict?
According to the mother, what is it like being a parent and what is a good parent?

Interview with 16-year-old daughter Helen

Interviewer: How do you get on with your parents?

Helen: I think I get on with them very well, really. We don’t always see eye to eye on some things, like boyfriends – they don’t always approve of them – but on the whole they’re very understanding. If I had a personal problem, I think I could confide in them, and if I was ever in trouble I know I could rely on them to help me.

Interviewer: How strict are your parents?

Helen: Well, my Dad’s quite strict about staying out late at night, but I can usually get round him. If I’m nice to him, he lets me come home a bit later. My Mum’s always telling me to tidy up my bedroom and put things away after I use them, and I have to do some of the housework. But if I compare them with other parents I know, they aren’t very strict.

Interviewer: And who are you most like in your family?

Helen: Oh, I think I take after my mother. Everybody says we’re both very independent and strong-willed. I like to have my own way a lot of the time, but I’m not spoilt. I don’t always get my own way. And my parents always tell me off if I do anything wrong.

Interview with 17-year-old son David

Interviewer: How do you get on with your parents?

David: I look up to them because I know they’ve worked hard to bring us up properly.

Interviewer: How strict are your parents?

David: They can be very strict at times. I told my Dad I wanted a motorbike, but he said it was out of the question – it was too dangerous. My mother is strict about keeping things tidy. I can’t get out of doing the washing up and things like that, unless I’m very busy.

Interviewer: How do you get on with your sister?

David: I never agree with what she says, so we are always arguing. We’ve never been very close, but I get on all right with her. I think I’m much closer to my mother.

Interview with mother

Interviewer: What’s it like being a parent?

Mother: Bringing up children is very difficult. You always worry about them. You have to be very patient and put up with a lot – like noise and even criticism. And you can’t always get through to them – sometimes they just won’t listen. But the advantages of being a parent outweigh the disadvantages. The main thing is to enjoy your children while they are young because they grow up so quickly nowadays.

Interviewer: How strict are you with your children?

Mother: I suppose I’m reasonably strict. They can’t do what they like and get away with it, and I tell them off when they do something wrong.

Interviewer: And was is the secret of being a good parent?

Mother: I think you have to give them confidence and let them know you love them. And you have to set a good example through your own behaviour, otherwise they won’t look up to you.

Interviewer: And what do you want for your children in the future?

Mother: I want them to be happy, and I want them to look back on their childhood as a very happy time in their lives.

5.5.3

Definition

Match the verbs with their definitions.

1. to get round someone	a. to respect and admire someone, to have a very good opinion of someone
2. to take after someone	b. to escape being punished for something
3. to tell someone off (for doing something)	c. to think about something that happened in the past
4. to look up to someone	d. to reprimand, to speak severely to someone because they have done something wrong
5. to bring someone up	e. to persuade someone to let you do or have something, usually by flattering them
6. to get out of doing something	f. to raise a child, to look after a child until it is adult and try to give it particular beliefs and attitudes
7. to get through to someone	g. to resemble a member of your family in appearance or character
8. to grow up	h. to avoid having to do something
9. to get away with something	i. to succeed in making someone understand the meaning of what one is saying
10. to look back (on something)	j. to become more adult and mature

Drills

Listen and respond to the prompts.

5.5.4

Practice

Fill in the gaps below.

a. to (dis)approve _____ someone / something

b. to confide ____ someone

c. to rely _____ someone

d. to compare someone / something _____ someone / something

e. to (dis)agree _____ someone / something

f. to argue _____ someone _____ something

g. to worry _____ someone / something

h. to want something ____ someone

Idiom

What expressions from the box could you use in the

sentences below?

a. The problem is that her parents never stop her doing anything that she wants to do. She’s become a very spoilt child as a result.

b. My family is very ashamed of my brother and we never talk about him. He was expelled from school and has been in prison twice.

c. Whenever I had an argument with my mother or father, I could always rely on my grandparents to support me.

d. My father and I usually agree about most things, but when it comes to politics we have completely different views.

e. I can talk to my sister about my problems because I know she will understand me and share my feelings.

Interaction

Work with your partner. Take turns asking and

answering the questions. Use as much active

vocabulary as possible.

For example:

- How do you get on with the other people in your family?

- I don’t get on with my sisters very well, but I’m very close to my mother. I feel I can confide in her.

a. What kind of relationship do you have with the people in your family?

b. Are you similar to anyone in your family?

c. Do you have the same opinions as other members of your family?

d. Where did you spend your childhood?

e. Who took care of you when you were very young?

f. Did you have a strict upbringing?

g. When were you reprimanded as a child / teenager?

h. Were you able to do what you wanted all the time?

i. Who did you admire and respect when you were a child / teenager?

j. When you think about the past, what do you remember?

5.5.5

Activate

Match the sentences in the right and left columns.

1. Do you respect your parents?

2. Do you like David?

3. Did he do the washing up?

4. Does he listen to you?

5. Was he punished for the crime?

6. Have you done the homework?

7. Has he complained about the noise?

a. No, he got away with it.

b. No, I can’t get through to him.

c. No, he puts up with it.

d. No, he got out of it.

e. No, I must get down to it.

f. No, I don’t get on with him.

g. Yes, I look up to them.

B Answer the questions:

What is the difference between to grow up and to bring someone up?
What is the opposite of to look up to someone?
What is the noun of (a) and adjective of (b)?

a. to bring up ( + noun) She had a very strict ______.

b. to grow up ( + adjective) He doesn’t behave in a very _____ way.

5.5.6

Discussion

Read the text and answer the questions below using

the words in bold.

How much freedom should children have?

It is often said that we live in a permissive age, one in which people are allowed to do almost anything they like. Is it good for children? They are going through their adolescence, which is a very formative stage of their development since their final adult characters are beginning to take shape. Some parents think it is good for children to be allowed to run wild without control or supervision. They say that this enables children’s personalities to develop naturally and that they will learn to be responsible by the mistakes they make. However this might lead to delinquency with the children ending up in courts or it might simply make children self-centred, without any consideration for others. Other parents believe in being strict, but taken to extremes this can produce a too authoritarian atmosphere in the home, with the children being dominated and ruled by their parents. Parents can also be very possessive and try to keep their children dependent on them. These last two attitudes can encourage rebelliousness (against parents, school, authority) in a child or, conversely, suppress a child’s natural sense of adventure and curiosity. A strict upbringing by over-caring parents can make a child so timid and inhibited that he or she is unable to express freely his or her emotions and form mature relationships. To bring up children to be normal, well-adjusted human beings requires great wisdom, and perhaps a bit of luck.

What is the best technique of children’s upbringing?
What are the most typical mistakes parents make?
In what way were you brought up?
At what age should children be free to go out with their friends in the evenings?
How much freedom should children have?
In what way can it affect upbringing in the family if the parents are of different religions or nationalities?
How much should children respect their parents’ religious and cultural beliefs?

5.5.7

Listening

Read the text through while listening. Study the

counter-arguments below.

‘The younger generation knows best’

Old people are always saying that the young are not what they were. The same comment is made from generation to generation and it is always true. It has never been truer than it is today. The young are better educated. They have a lot more money to spend and enjoy more freedom. They grow up more quickly and are not so dependent on their parents. They think more for themselves and do not blindly accept the ideals of their elders. Events which the older generation remembers vividly are nothing more than past history. This is as it should be. Every new generation is different from the one that preceded it. Today the difference is very marked indeed.

The old always assume that they know best for the simple reason that they have been around a bit longer. They don’t like to feel that their values are being questioned or threatened. And this is precisely what the young are doing. They are questioning the assumptions of their elders and disturbing their complacency. They take leave to doubt that the older generation has created the best of all possible worlds. What they reject more than anything is conformity. Office hours, for instance, are nothing more than enforced slavery. Wouldn’t people work best if they were given complete freedom and responsibility? And what about clothing? Who said that all the men in the world should wear drab grey suits and convict haircuts? If we turn our minds to more serious matters, who said that human differences can best be solved through conventional politics or by violent means? Why have the older generation so often used violence to solve their problems? Why are they so unhappy and guilt-ridden in their personal lives, so obsessed with mean ambitions and the desire to amass more and more material possessions? Can anything be right with the rat-race? Haven’t the old lost touch with all that is important in life?

These are not questions the older generation can shrug off lightly. Their record over the past forty years or so hasn’t been exactly spotless. Traditionally, the young have turned to their elders for guidance. Today, the situation might be reversed. The old – if they are prepared to admit it – could learn a thing or two from their children. One of the biggest lessons they could learn is that enjoyment is not ‘sinful’. Enjoyment is a principle one could apply to all aspects of life. It is surely not wrong to enjoy your work and enjoy your leisure; to shed restricting inhibitions. It is surely not wrong to live in the present rather than in the past or future. This emphasis on the present is only to be expected because the young have grown up under the shadow of the bomb: the constant threat of complete annihilation. This is their glorious heritage. Can we be surprised that they should so often question the sanity of the generation that bequeathed it?

The counter-argument: key notes

The young do not seek responsibility: they evade it.
Too much money spoils them.
They are not interested in important questions; avoid involvement: e.g. major political issues, etc.
They are interested only in themselves: they want material possessions (clothing, cars, etc.) without working for them.
The young should be grateful to older generation.
Older generation bequeathed peace and freedom which the young enjoy.
The older generation provided the young with good education, money to spend.
The older generation fought in two world wars; it faced real problems. The young have had everything easily.
The young cling to passing fashions: clothes, pop music, etc.
Mass hysteria is a modern phenomenon.
Too much freedom resulted in immorality; the young are shameless.
Appearance of many young people is disgusting: strange haircuts; dirty, scruffy, lazy.
The older generation are too soft and kind with the young; a tougher policy might work wonders.
The young are unadventurous; lack noble ideas; are too clever by half.
Their outlook for the world is very bleak.

Vocabulary

What is the difference between:

1. precedence and precedent

2. convention and convenience

3. inhibit and inhabit

4. emphasize and empathize

5. outlook on and outlook for

6. evade and avoid?

Word Form

Fill in the blanks in the table:

Verb	Adjective	Noun
precede
		assumption
	complacent
conform
enforce
		convict
	conventional
		guidance
bequeath
		heritage
	possessive
restrict
		emphasis

Prepositions

Insert the missing prepositions:

Is there any precedent … this?
I’m working … the assumption that the money will come through.
We simply cannot afford to be complacent … the future of our children.
We must act … conformity … the rules and norms that exist in the society.
The class arrived … dribs and drabs.
We need a more experienced person to guide us … the procedure.
I applied … four universities and was accepted by all of them.
He applied … the post of Headmaster’s secretary.
We’re hoping his letter will shed some light … his plans.
I restricted myself … two cigarettes a day.
Being too critical may inhibit a child … asking you things he needs to know.
Well, you should be grateful … small mercies – at least you’ve got a home and a job.
The course puts an emphasis … practical work.

Collocation

Supply collocations to the following words and

make up sentences with them.

Interaction

Working in pairs or in small groups make up a

conversation presenting different views on the

problem.

5.5.8

Quiz

Are you a suitable person to have children?

What sort of parent are you or would you be – strict,

soft-hearted, or somewhere between the two?

Answer the questions and check your score.

1. You have just been for a healthy five-mile run. Your pulse is somewhere over 200 and you wonder whether you are going to live. As you step out of the shower, your child walks into the bathroom, waves a paper in your face, and starts telling you all about the wonderful story he/she has just written about a rabbit with pink ears. As you stand there, dripping wet and searching for your glasses, what do you say? Something more like a, b, or c?

a. Lovely, dear. What’s the rabbit’s name?

b. Super, darling. But could you just wait until I’ve dried myself and got dressed?

c. If you and your bloody rabbit don’t get out of the bathroom now you’re both going down the toilet.

2. You have told your child, about seventeen times, to calm down and stop jumping on the living room furniture. Your child climbs up on to the window ledge and breaks a window. You tell the child that he/she will have to put two weeks’ pocket money towards the cost of the repair, and you say that he/she can’t go into the living room again for three days. Is this punishment:

a. too strict?

b. not strict enough?

c. just right?

3. Your child is generally pretty well-behaved, but when his/her best friend Pat comes to play he/she turns into a wild beast. One day, they steal some lipstick and draw pictures all over the kitchen walls. Do you:

a. say that Pat can never come again?

b. try to explain to both of them why this is a bad thing to do?

c. make them clean off the lipstick as well as they can?

4. What do you think about physical punishment?

a. It’s all right to smack a child occasionally for something very serious.

b. Children need to be smacked when they’re naughty – it’s much better than telling them off.

c. It’s always wrong to smack a child.

5. Your child refuses to eat anything except crisps and ice cream. Do you:

a. let him/her live on crisps and ice cream?

b. make the child eat up everything that is on his/her plate at mealtimes?

c. let the child have crisps and ice cream if he/she eats a certain amount of other food?

6. Your child is playing in the middle of the kitchen floor. When you say that you need to clean the floor, the child kicks and screams and refuses to move. Do you:

a. forcibly move the child and his/her toys?

b. explain to the child why it is important that you clean the floor now?

c. put off cleaning the floor till later?

7. At weekends, your child watches an average of eight hours’ TV a day. He/she is developing square eyes. Do you:

a. have a discussion with the child, explaining why he/she should watch less TV?

b. ration the child to three hours a day?

c. let the child watch what he/she wants?

8. Your child’s room looks like a rubbish dump that has been hit by a bomb. Do you:

a. leave the child to tidy up the room when he/she feels like it?

b. ask the child to tidy up the room?

c. tell the child to tidy up the room?

Score:

1. a-3 b-2 c-1

2. a-3 b-2 c-1

3. a-1 b-2 c-3

4. a-2 b-1 c-3

5. a-3 b-1 c-2

6. a-1 b-2 c-3

7. a-2 b-1 c-3

8. a-3 b-2 c-1

TOTAL 8-13: You are (or would be) a pretty strict parent. Don’t forget that children need patience, understanding and love as well as firmness.

TOTAL 14-19: You (would) try to be neither too strict nor too easy-going. This can be very good if children know what to expect; but it is no good being strict about something one day and soft about it the next.

TOTAL 20-24: You tend towards soft-heartedness. Be careful: children need some limits, so they can define themselves as people and set their own limits later on. The children will know that you love them if you set the limits in a firm but loving way.

5.5.9

Translation

Translate the extract from a fiction book. What stories

can the photos from your family album tell?

She recognized Spencer in spite of how very young he was in the snapshots. Although the man was visible in the boy, he had lost more than youth since the days when those pictures had been taken. More than innocence. More than the effervescent spirit that seemed evident in the smile and body language of the child. Life also had stolen an ineffable quality from him, and the loss was no less apparent for being inexpressible.

Ellie studied the woman’s face in the two pictures that showed her with Spencer, and was convinced that they were mother and son. If appearances didn’t deceive – and in this instance she sensed that they did not – Spencer’s mother had been gentle, kind, soft-spoken, with a girlish sense of fun.

In a third photo, the mother was younger than in the photo with Spencer, perhaps 20, standing alone in front of a tree laden with white flowers. She appeared to be radiantly innocent, not naïve but unspoiled and without cynicism. May be Ellie was reading too much into a photo, but she perceived in Spencer’s mother a vulnerability so poignant that suddenly tears welled in her eyes.

5.5.10

Discussion

Look at the jocular quotations about family life. Do

you agree with them? Can you describe modern

attitudes towards family and family relationships?

a. ‘Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance.’

b. ‘Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.’

c. ‘Children begin by loving their parents. After a time they judge them. Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.’

d. ‘Marriage is the waste-paper basket of the emotions.’

B What is your opinion on the following:

1. How do you understand the phrase ‘The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world’?

2. What are the position and role of woman in the family?

3. Would you like to have the family of your own similar to your parents’ family or you feel it should be different? What would you like to change?

4. How many children would you like to have in your family, if any? Explain your answer.

5. What are the advantages and disadvantages of being an only child?

6. Should boys and girls be brought up in exactly the same way? Why / Why not?

5.5.11

Writing

Write a short essay about how you see the roles and

functions of all the members of the family.