5.1. GETTING ACQUAINTED
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5.1.1 Listening
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A
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Listen to the recording. It is taken from an old BBC comedy programme called ‘Take it from here’. In this episode, Ron has a conversation with his father about shyness. Then Ron’s father goes out, and Ron meets Eth for the first time. Note down the key words and try to summarize what happens. |
B Listen again to the conversation between Ron and his
father. Can you hear any non-standard pronunciations?
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Interaction
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C
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Listen again to the conversations. Working in groups, act them out. |
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5.1.2 Practice
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Read the letter, which was sent to a British newspaper. Prepare an answer to the letter, giving advice to the writer. |
| Useful expressions: | ||
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Why don’t you … ? What/How about … ing? You really ought to … If I were you, I would … I/We think it’s a mistake to… |
Why not …? I/We think you should … You could / might … A good way to …is to… Stop …ing and start …ing |
… I have a terrible shyness problem. I don’t remember the last time I had a real conversation with a girl. When I try to talk, my mouth goes dry and I just can’t say anything. I am in my twenties, and other men my age seem to have no trouble talking to girls. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever manage it .
Please tell me what I ought to do.
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5.1.3 Reading |
A
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Read the text and express your opinion about the topic discussed. |
The first four minutes
When do people decide whether or not they want to become friends? During their first four minutes together, according to a book by Dr Leonard Zunin. In his book ‘Contact. The first four minutes’ he offers this advice to anyone interested in starting new friendship: ‘Every time you meet someone in a social situation, give him your undivided attention for four minutes. A lot of people’s whole lives would change if they did just that.’
You may have noticed that the average person doesn’t give his undivided attention to someone he has just met. He keeps looking over the other person’s shoulder, as if hoping to find someone more interesting in another part of the room. If anyone has ever done this to you, you probably did not like him very much.
When we are introduced to new people, the author suggests, we should try to appear friendly and self-confident. In general, he says: ‘People like people who like themselves.’
On the other hand, we should not make the other person think we are too sure of ourselves. It is important to seem interested and sympathetic, realizing that the other person has his own needs, fears, and hopes.
Hearing such advice, one might say: ‘But I am not a friendly, self-confident person. That’s not my nature. It would be dishonest for me to act that way.’
In reply, Dr Zunin would claim that a little practice can help us feel comfortable about changing our social habits. We can become accustomed to any change in our personality. ‘It’s like getting used to a new car. It may be unfamiliar at first, but it goes much better than the old one.’
But isn’t it dishonest to give the appearance of friendly self-confidence when we don’t actually feel that way? Perhaps, but according to Dr Zunin, ‘total honesty is not always good for social relationships, especially during the first few minutes of contact. There is a time for everything, a certain amount of play-acting may be best for the first few minutes of contact with strangers. That is not the time to complain about one’s health or mention faults one finds in other people. It is not the time to tell the whole truth about one’s opinions and impressions.’
Much of what has been said about strangers also applies to relationships with family members and friends. For a husband and wife or a parent and a child problems often arise during their first four minutes together after they have been apart. Dr Zunin suggests that these first few minutes together should be treated with care. If there are unpleasant matters to be discussed they should be dealt with later.
The author declares that interpersonal relations should be taught in every school, along with reading, writing and mathematics. In his opinion, success in life depends mainly on how we get along with other people. That is at least as important as how much we know.
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Opinion |
B | Answer the following questions: |
1. What kind of situation may be called a social situation?
2. How does an average person behave when someone is introduced to him / her at a party?
3. Is it polite to ignore the person you’ve just met?
4. Why is it important to seem interested in a new acquaintance?
5. What makes us sometimes change our social habits?
6. Do you agree that ‘total honesty’ is not always good for social relationships?
7. What is your idea of success in life?
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Speaking
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C
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Give your recommendations on how to behave in social situations. |
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5.1.4 Vocabulary |
A
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Types of relationships Match these words with the definitions below. |
Someone who:
a. is associated with you in business or plays sport with you.
b. helps you in war or confrontation.
c. you know only superficially.
d. you disagree with violently and dislike.
e. keeps your company.
f. you have a sexual relationships with.
g. is a member of the same political or military group as you.
h. you like a lot and have things in common with.
i. works in the same place as you.
j. helps you in illegal or criminal activities.
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Word Choice
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B
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Put each of the words in the most suitable space in the sentences below. |
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She comes from the same country as me. She’s a …
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We carried on our friendship through letters. He was a …
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I’ve known George for ages. We’re really good old friends who spend a lot of time together. He’s my …
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Henry Somers wants the manager’s job and so do I. He’s my …
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In the darkness the soldier couldn’t see whether the approaching figure was friend or …
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He seems a good friend when things are going well, but when I’m in trouble he’s nowhere to be seen. I’m afraid he’s a …
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He’s a person to whom I tell my most personal thoughts, problems and fears. He’s my …
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I just meet him occasionally when his firm and my firm work together. He’s just a business …
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Word Use
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C
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Use the words with the suffixes – mate to resay or rewrite these sentences. |
1. This is Jack. He and I share a flat.
2. My granddad still writes to his old friends he was at sea with.
3. We were in the same class together in 1987, weren’t we?
4. She’s not really a friend, she’s just someone I work with.
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5.1.5 Activate |
How many relationships can you find between the people in column A and column B? |
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A JOHN SILVER: owns a language school for business people in Bath. Worked at the Sun School, Oxford. |
B NORA COST: was in UK Olympic swimming team in 1982. Was in the same class at school as Ada Briggs. |
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JOSH YATES: politician, was married to Eve Cobb 1973-1980. Met Bill Nash a couple of times. |
BILL NASH: works every day with John Silver. Shared a flat years ago with Eve Cobb. |
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ADA BRIGGS: was married to Bill Nash 1981-1984. Swam for Britain in 1982 Olympics. |
FRED PARKS: politician; knew Ada Briggs years ago, but not very well.
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ANA WOOD: has lived as a couple (unmarried) with Bill Nash for the last five years. |
Oxford 1980-1987. Lives with Josh Yates.
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5.1.6 Interaction
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A
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Read the following advertisements. What kind of people do you think these are? Who do you sympathize with? Why / Why not? |
* Good-looking and vivacious widow aged 40, wanting companionship and a lasting relationship, wishes to hear from a fun-loving but mature bachelor or widower. He should share an interest in modern art and tennis, and to be a considerate nonsmoker. Reply Box Z 351.
* Unattached male divorcee, 55, with custody of three teenage children, wants friendship with a single woman who has no family responsibilities and a willingness to travel far. Reply Box Z 542.
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Practice
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B
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Imagine that you wish to reply to one of the advertisements in exercise A. Write a short letter explaining your own (imaginary or real!) situation and suggesting the next step. |
Compile an advertisement for yourself to attract
the type of partner you would like to have.
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5.1.7 Reading |
A
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Read the following text and learn the words in bold. |
What is Dateline?
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What is Dateline
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Dateline is the computer dating service that takes the chance element out of man-woman relations. In a single flash of electronic brilliance it provides |
a supply of partners who are absolutely right for you – partners whose looks and conversation appeal to you from the first and with whom you feel quickly at ease, friends who are likely to grow closer with every meeting.
How’s it done? Simple. By taking careful note of what you are like and following your guidance on the kind of man or woman you get along best with, we select, from tens of thousands of profiles in our store exactly those who are destined to be your kindred spirits.
There’s nothing magic about it. It’s a matter of applying science to nature. By the laws of probability there are certainly people in the world who are physically and mentally right for you, just as there are stars in the universe similar to ours. All one has to do is to find them. Dateline has the unique power – thanks to modern computer science –of finding the few-in-thousands who can communicate with you at a deep level of understanding.
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The Age We Live In
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Dateline – the most significant advance in modern relations between the sexes. It is part of the new life-style. It combines all that is new and socially |
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advances with the traditional ideas of restraint and integrity that belong to any organization dealing in personal relationships. Take the Dateline questionnaire. It has been carefully compiled with the aid of experts in psychology and social sciences, using the most up-to-date research of British and American universities, to provide the most accurate and least prying method of assessing personalities. Take the Dateline computer system. It’s variation on the systems used for launching missiles and rationalizing the operations of banks. You can’t get more accurate or more impartial than that. It’s our own computer too, programmed and operated only by our own experts. Altogether Dateline is the most exciting social advance for single people since the granting of the vote. Join it and your days will really come alive. |
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The Shifting Society
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Social life is changing more rapidly than ever before. The older generation spent their lives more or less in one place. School, work and family life grew out |
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of the same environment people were born in. You knew everyone in your district and it wasn’t too difficult to pick the friends who suited you, and who shared your interests. Even so, when society was more static the opportunities for widening your circle were still restricted, and life wasn’t so varied as it is today. Now we’re in the space age. The old ‘school-work-early marriage’ syndrome is disappearing. A whole new generation of mobile young people is at large in the world. They’re people withinitiative, independent of their home background, able to change jobs and locations, to take up studies and pastimes, and to pursue their careers all over Britain and overseas if they want to. Many do just that, taking their freedom in both hands and making the most of the world’s opportunities. Dateline is for them, and in this case, ‘them’ means you. |
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What Sort of People Join Dateline?
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Everyone joins Dateline: showbiz personalities, artists, Lords, musicians, soldiers, cooks, stockbrokers, |
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property-men, models, nurses, athletes, business executives of all kinds, teachers, secretaries, students, librarians, dancers. The only qualification you need is to be unmarried. Most of our members are busy, successful, intelligent people with enquiring minds and varied interests. They’ve usually got plenty of their own friends, who, perhaps, they know too well to get romantic about. Others, through pressure of work, or through a shy disposition, or because they find themselves in a strange new career environment, are short of interesting company, and want to make a fresh social start. Through Dateline they can do it. Dateline puts you in touch with new faces, a different crowd, and completely refreshes your social life. More important for many people is the scientifically-based probability of meeting the man or woman you’ve always dreamed about, and simply falling in love. Yes, it does happen; so frequently you shouldn’t be surprised when it hits you personally. Every week Dateline receives scores of letters from happy couples matched by our computer. Already more than ten thousand known marriages can be attributed to Dateline, and perhaps thousands more that we haven’t been told about. |
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How Do You Join Dateline?
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Complete our questionnaire. Designed by experts in computer sciences and psychology, it takes about 15 minutes to fill in, longer if you’re in an extra- |
| thoughtful mood, but it’s fun. The 200 questions are very thorough and for a good reason. The more you tell us about yourself and the kind of people you most like, the more accurate our computer can be and the closer to your ideal will be your dates. | |
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What Kind of Questions?
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First, basic straightforward questions on your age, physical built, appearance and social background. Then a few on education, social habits and |
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occupation. Next a chance to list all your special interests. And finally, the personality test in three parts. There’s also a space for any additional information about yourself that you care to give. Side by side with the profile of yourself formed by the answers to this set of questions, you fill in a profile of your chosen man or girl, marking the qualities you prefer from the list given. All this careful planning goes a long way to ensure that the people you meet through Dateline will be exactly your kind. Send for your questionnaire, and from there on, Dateline takes over. |
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Comprehension |
B | Choose the best option for each sentence: |
1. Finding your ideal partner is like finding
| a. a needle in a haystack. | c. the answer to you prayers. |
| b. a star like ours in the universe. | d. 50 pence when you lost 10 pence. |
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2. Dateline’s computer will find you a partner who |
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| a. looks like you. | c. will laugh at your jokes. |
| b. will like you. | d. looks attractive. |
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3. Dateline’s computer is |
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| a. only used by Dateline’s own staff. | c. also used by banks. |
| b. also used for launching missiles. | d. only used for arranging dates. |
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4. Life nowadays is different because |
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| a. old people don’t move around much. | c. young people have the vote. |
| b. young people travel abroad a lot. | d. marriages happen later in life. |
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5. Compared with the past, it is now |
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| a. less difficult to find friends. | c. much more difficult to find friends. |
| b. much easier to find friends. | d. no more difficult to find friends. |
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6. The world is full of |
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| a. accidents for young people. | c. jobs for young people. |
| b. chance for young people. | d. risks for young people. |
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7. Most of Dateline’s members |
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| a. have too many friends. | c. dislike their acquaintances. |
| b. are lonely. | d. have lots of friends. |
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8. Dateline couples |
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| a. generally fall in love. | c. sometimes fall in love. |
| b. regularly fall in love. | d. often fall in love. |
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9. Dateline is responsible for thousands of marriages |
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| a. a day. b. a week. c. a month. d. a year. | |
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10. In the questionnaire there are 200 |
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| a. accurate questions. | c. exhaustive questions. |
| b. complete questions. | d. nosy questions. |
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Speaking
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C
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Answer the following questions. Discuss your answers. |
* If writing to Dateline, would you be honest filling in their questionnaire? Or would you make yourself out to be more attractive, intelligent or interesting?
* Can one find a perfect partner for life through an agency like Dateline?
* Is it possible to find a perfect partner for life with the help of the Internet?
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5.1.8 Discussion
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A
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The problem: Six people joined a computer dating service but there was a computer error. Instead of giving them perfect partners, it matched them with partners who had the same initials! Not realizing this, all the people turned up for their first dates with high hopes. Work in pairs. Discuss the questions and make notes: |
* How badly mismatched were the couples, do you think?
* What did they have in common and how well do you think they got on?
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Name ANDREW APPLEBY Age 29 Occupation: civil servant How would you describe yourself? Creative, outdoor type What do you enjoy? Politics, classical music, traveling, good food What do you dislike? Pop music, jazz, pubs, discos |
Name ANNE AMIS Age 25 Occupation: secondary school teacher How would you describe yourself? Practical, outdoor type, shy What do you enjoy? Sport, folk music, reading, travel What do you dislike? Politics, jazz, fashion, meanness |
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Name BILL BANKS Age 34 Occupation: accountant How would you describe yourself? Extrovert, practical What do you enjoy? Good food, travel, pubs, sport What do you dislike? Poetry, classical music, reading, art |
Name BRENDA BOOTH Age 24 Occupation: medical student How would you describe yourself? Creative, adventurous, extrovert What do you enjoy? Pop music, fashion, conversation What do you dislike? Sport, poetry, jazz |
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Name COLIN COOMBS Age 24 Occupation: Art College lecturer How would you describe yourself? Shy, creative, practical What do you enjoy? Music (all types), reading, sport What do you dislike? Television, pubs, poetry |
Name CAROLE CLARKE Age 19 Occupation: law student How would you describe yourself? Generous, shy, outdoor type What do you enjoy? Reading, art, pop music, politics What do you dislike? Sport, classical music, science |
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Speaking
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B
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Make a report based on your discussion in A, beginning: |
* On their first date, Andrew and Anne …
* Although Bill and Brenda …
* Colin and Carole probably …
* Of the people described, the one I’d most like to meet myself is … because…
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5.1.9 Idiom |
A
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Read the dialogue about a date which became a failure and try to explain the words in bold. |
Celia: Hi Rachel.
Rachel: Celia! How was your blind date last night?
Celia: Awful! Roger definitely 1) wasn’t my cup of tea! I don’t know why Karen thought I’d like him. personally I think she was 2) scraping the bottom of the barrel – he was incredibly rude, quite horrid, actually!
Rachel: Oh dear. What happened?
Celia: Well, we’d arranged to meet at the King’s Head for a drink first, you know, to 3) break the ice. I should have realized I was 4) in the soup when I heard him speaking to the barmaid – he was so impolite I blushed! And the way he kept shoveling peanuts into his mouth and talking at the same time 5) turned my stomach.
Rachel: Urgh! How awful!
Celia: Oh, that wasn’t all! I’d made a real effort with my hair and make-up and I’d even bought a new dress. He didn’t say anything about how nice I looked – talk about 6) casting pearls before swine! And then, just before we left, he knocked my glass of red wine all over me, and do you know what he said? 7) ‘It’s no use crying over spilt milk.’ I should have left there and then! He criticized my car all the way to the restaurant too, said it was uncomfortable and didn’t go fast enough, but when I asked him what he drove, he said he didn’t!
Rachel: Sounds like 8) sour grapes to me.
Celia: Quite. Anyway at the restaurant, he started complaining that the meat was 9) as dry as a bone – it was delicious – and that the service wasn’t 10) up to scratch – it was faultless.
Rachel: So what did you do?
Celia: Well, I left, didn’t I?
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Definition |
B | Match the items with the idioms from part A. |
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a. not to be to one’s taste b. to offer smth good to smb who cannot appreciate the value of it c. negative attitude / bitterness because of jealousy d. to be left with / use the worst person / object e. in trouble |
f. there is no point in regretting smth that has happened g. to cause smb feel sick / disgusted h. of the desired standard i. to make smb relax / to get conversation started j. very dry
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5.1.10 Rephrase |
A
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Reword the following sentences using the words in brackets. Do not change these words. |
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I’ve been going to the same restaurant for years, but lately it hasn’t been up to the standard it should be. (scratch)
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Camping in the wilderness doesn’t appeal to Greg. (cup)
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You forgot to water my plants! Look, the soil is very dry. (bone)
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Ross was nervous when he went for his job interview, but the director put him at ease by making a joke. ( ice)
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Roxanne was in trouble when she crashed her father’s car. (soup)
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Word Choice |
B | Choose the word which best completes each sentence. |
1. The thought of eating raw fish turns my …
a. head b. stomach c. legs d. belly
2. Jessica was scraping the bottom of the … for an excuse saying she had a hairdresser’s appointment.
a. glass b. pitcher c. jug d. barrel
3. Daisy says she didn’t want to be chosen, but it’s just sour …; she did really.
a. grapes b. lemons c. raisins d. milk
4. Harold realized too late that he had sold the van too cheaply; but there was no point in … over spilt milk.
a. sobbing b. weeping c. screaming d. crying
5. Steven tried to teach his son to appreciate opera, but he was just … pearls before swine.
a. hurling b. casting c. throwing d. tossing
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5.1.11 Translation |
Give a literary translation to the following extract from a fiction book. |
… Quickly she took off her shoes and stockings. Jumping down onto the beach, she made her way across the slippery stones exposed by the tide, skipping from one to the next, with her arms held out on either side. From time to time she turned back to Napier, laughing at his clumsy attempts to keep up. She was flirting outrageously, she told herself. But it didn’t matter. She was feeling happy and shameless.
… The afternoon was almost spent. When they reached the cave, they found the tide had risen; the channels of water between the rocks were deep and wide. Cautiously they picked their way across the surface. At one pool Jacque lost her balance and darted out an arm for support. Napier took her hand and held it and they walked on again, their fingers meshed together.
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5.1.12 Discussion |
Express your opinion on the following:
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Where do young people usually get acquainted?
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Is it easy or difficult for you to get acquainted and make friends? Why / Why not?
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What do you think of getting acquainted by means of newspaper or magazine advertisements? Explain your point of view.
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What does ‘a romantic relationship’, ‘being romantic’ or ‘behave in a romantic way’ mean to you?
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Should there be any special approach to or preparation for the first date, in your opinion?
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What is your idea of the right behaviour during the first date?
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5.1.13 Writing |
Write an essay on how the most important relationships in your life started. |