4.3. HOW PEOPLE EXPRESS THEMSELVES

4.3. HOW PEOPLE EXPESS THEMSELVES

4.3.1

Introduction

Do you agree with the proverb ‘Men of few words are

the best men’? Why? Explain your point of view.

4.3.2

Reading

Scan the text through and say if the topic discussed

in it is important for you. Why? / Why not?

The Art of Talking

Last night was a bore. Several people came to my place for a chat hoping to enjoy themselves. But what an awful evening it was!

One young man talked to us for a full hour on every subject under the sun. None of us could get a word, not even me, though I am supposed to know how to do it – I’ve been a journalist for many years now. So what should have been a pleasant social get-together became an awful bore.

Our speaker, for I cannot call him less, was as exciting as a reading of last week’s laundry list. He is eighteen, and that, I think, excuses him, for he hasn’t been practicing the art of talking for too many years.

He will learn, I hope, that a good conversationalist is a man who has something interesting to say, and at the same time he tries to make his audience feel comfortable. He is also a good listener and shows by his interest that he wants to hear what others have to say. He enjoys talking but realizes that everyone will get more pleasure from conversation if all get a chance to take part. He speaks clearly enough for all to hear comfortably; he is never monotonous, and his speech is full of interesting things; and, by the way, unlike some people, he looks his listeners in the eye, and not into space.

Unfortunately all too often we suffer from bad conversationalists. They are all the same – they are always boring, and yet they differ. You can even talk of several types here. To begin with, there is the so-called ‘monopolizer’, for instance. This type of conversationalist wants to do all the talking. After you have been listening to him for 10 minutes, you know you are not going to be able to add more than a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ to something he has said because he will probably continue talking until he is so tired he can’t speak any more.

The ‘show-off’ is not very different from the ‘monopolizer’. Here is the person who wants to attract attention to himself. Even if he has nothing to offer he still wants to be in the center of the talk.

And the ‘repeater’ is a well-familiar type. He will repeat not only something he has said but also something someone else has mentioned. Hasn’t this kind of talker bored us since time immemorial?

There is also the type that I call the ‘detail man’. He usually enjoys what he is telling so much that he cannot leave out the smallest detail. Quite often, after he has been speaking for a short time he finds he has lost his audience because they are not so interested in all the details as he is.

And now I almost want to say thank God for the ‘interrupter’. The good thing about this type of conversationalist is that you can depend upon him to interrupt the ‘monopolizer’ or the ‘detail man’.

And, of course, there is the ‘silent’ one. This speaker has nothing to say. It may be that he has no information to offer or it may be that he is afraid to say something because he is too shy. Or perhaps he is the one who remembers that silence is gold.

Not always, I must say. I, personally, believe that most communication is good. I am sure that to achieve progress one must discuss things.

I am all for discussing things, but the talker must remember that conversation must serve a purpose. What he says must always be to the point. For life is short, and nobody wants to spend hours listening to people that talk and talk and never think.

4.3.3

Vocabulary

Translate the following sentences into Russian:

A. 1. We spoke to little or no purpose. His mind was clearly made up already. 2. Keep to the point! 3. Silence gives consent. 4. The greatest talkers, the least doers. 5. He had his chance. I don’t know why he didn’t take it. 6. Her manners spoke well for her upbringing.

B. 1. Social rules in past times restricted what men and women said to each other, and children really were seen but not heard. 2. Conversation should be of higher quality today because the range of experience is broader and because we can hear others converse on television, radio and the cinema. 3. We teach public speaking, but we do not teach the pleasures of face-to-face communication. 4. Evil communications corrupt good manners. 5. Women have for hundreds years been considered talkative, but some research shows that they may actually talk less than men, at least under certain circumstances. 6. Inadequate talk skills also play a big part in the high divorce rate. Many couples simply don’t talk to each other well enough.

C. There are some people who just don’t like to talk. It is not that they prefer to listen. (Good listeners hold up their end of the conversation with encouraging nods or phrases like ‘Go on’, ‘Fantastic’, ‘And then what happened?’). These people like neither to talk nor to listen – they act as if conversation is a bore, even a painful waste of time. Try to engage them, and the best you may expect for your efforts is a vacant stare or an impatient silence. Finally, in frustration, you give up, thinking: ‘Are they self-conscious? Do they hate people? Do they hate me?’

Word Form

Put the word in brackets into the right form.

Research shows that more than half of our (1-converse) end in some sort of (2-understand). While it’s easy to blame the listener for the problem, we are also to blame if we don’t (3-clear) what we mean in the first place.

Accurate listening requires (4-concentrate) and effort, and if you try to do something else at the same time, you won’t listen (5-effect). There’s a (6-tend) for people to think they know what a speaker is going to say, instead of hearing them out, or to criticize too (6-ready) before a person has (7-full) made their point. It’s when people feel they are being undervalued and are not being treated with (8-polite) that problems begin and (9-relation) can break down. Treating others as you want to be treated is an (10-essence) rule for good communication.

4.3.4

Opinion

Agree or disagree with the following statements.

Give your comments:

Communication is not an art, it is a necessity, a simple function.
One must learn to become a good conversationalist.
Everything we say must be to the point.
Conversation must always serve a purpose.
A bad conversationalist can be a very good writer.
When you have nothing to say, say nothing.
We have two ears and only one tongue in order that we may hear more and speak less.
I regret often that I have spoken; never that I have been silent.
Do you know that conversation is one of the greatest pleasures in life? But it wants leisure.
Great talkers are never great doers.

Interaction

Make up a list of do’s and don’ts for a good

conversationalist using the expressions given

below.

To have something interesting to say; to show off; to serve a purpose; to keep to the point; not to lose the audience; to change the subject; to be interested in the topic; to mention something, not to be boring or monotonous; to suffer from; not to monopolize the attention of; to look the listeners into the eye; to get the pleasure from; to give other people a chance to talk; to take part in the talk; to make the audience feel comfortable; to enjoy talking; to be able to listen attentively; to be witty; to be tolerant of other people’s opinions.

4.3.5

Reading Comprehension

Read the magazine article below and learn the

words in bold. Find out:

Which of the women

spends her day in conversations with others?
would like to take exercise during the day?
worries she might upset other people?
builds in a special time to be alone at home?
escapes outside to find peace and quiet?
likes to prepare mentally to what is to come?
gets annoyed if she has no time to herself?
thinks other people may feel equally stressed?
relies entirely on her home environment for space?
feels pressurized by too many demands at work?
relies on personal space early in the day?
creates space for herself even if she is not at home?
has no time to relax during her working day?

My own personal space

A Katrin

I always need to get away from other people at some point during the day. It’s not that I don’t get on with others, I’ve loads of friends. But I work in a really busy office in the centre of town and from the moment I leave home each morning it’s non-stop. Crowds on the buses, busy streets, office bustle, phones, e-mail, do this, do that … By the time the end of the day comes, I’m desperate for some peace and quiet. Even if I’m going out later in the evening, I always make sure I have at least an hour to myself without anyone being able to disturb me. I arrive home, make myself a drink and lie on the sofa. I close my eyes and relax by concentrating on each part of my body in turn, beginning with my neck. Even if I’m away from home, I try to find the time just to be alone in order to unwind and recharge my batteries. If I don’t make this space for myself, I feel really tense and irritable.

B Lia

I share a student flat with three others, so there’s never a quiet moment. When I come back from college in the evenings it’s quite likely that there’ll be other people there as well and we’ll all have supper together. It’s great fun but towards the end of the evening I feel really tired and so I like to disappear by myself for a while. It’s hopeless to try and find any privacy in the flat, so I go out for a walk. Whatever the weather, I walk through the park which is quite close. Late at night it’s usually empty. There are just shadows and the rustle of animals and birds. It’s very peaceful and it gives me the opportunity to reflect on the day and to think about what I have to do the next day. When I get back to the flat I like to go straight to bed. Usually I fall asleep pretty quickly even if the others are still up and chatting or listening to music. If I don’t get this time to myself, I’ll be like a bear with a sore head the next morning and not nice to know!

C Beatriz

I’m a night owl and I absolutely hate getting up in the mornings. If people try and talk to me before midday, I really snap at them. Being an actress means that I work late so it’s important that I create space for myself at the beginning of each day. And because I use my voice so much, in fact totally depend on it, I like to rest my voice and just listen to music when I wake up. I don’t even want to hear other people’s voices. Some people find this very hard to understand and get quite cross when I tell them not to contact me before noon. I tell them it’s nothing personal but they still sound offended. I’m sure it must be the same for singers and, who knows, maybe teachers and lecturers get fed up with hearing the sound of their own voice and simply long to be by themselves somewhere, in complete silence.

D Natalie

I work in a call centre, which means I’m constantly on the phone. Apart from lunch and two short breaks during the day I’m speaking to people all day long. And of course you never get to see who you’re speaking to! By the end of my shift I’m exhausted, not because I’m rushing around or I’m on my feet all day but simply because I’ve spent the day talking and listening. The breaks are so short that there’s no time to do anything other than get a drink and something to eat. I’d love to be able to go for a walk but there’s nowhere to escape to within easy walking distance. The building where I work is in the middle of an industrial estate, you can’t even see a single tree. So my flat is full of house plants and when I get home it’s wonderful to be able to relax, surrounded by all the greenery. I lie on the floor, stretch out, look up at the plants and try to imagine I’m in a tropical rainforest miles away!

Speaking

Speak about your own personal space and how you

create it. Say whether you feel like any of these

women. Try and use the words in bold.

4.3.6

Listening

Make sure you understand the questions. Then listen

to the recording. Which question is being answered

by each person? There is one extra question.

a. Do you often let small things upset you very much, or are you usually easy-going?

b. Do you ever let emotions build up inside you and then express them too strongly?

c. Do you usually let the people around you know how you feel about things?

d. Can you think of a time when you were very upset but didn’t let anyone know?

e. Would you let your children know if you were very worried about something?

f. Would you let your parents know if you were very worried about something?

Choose one of the questions to ask other students,

note the answers and report to the class.

4.3.7

Idiom

Read through the following texts, noting the rather

strong idiomatic language we can use to describe

our reactions to slightly unusual events.

Some moments from our family scrap-book, when we were all:

1. surprised. … We all got the shock of our lives last Christmas. We were sitting round the fire, forcing third helpings of Christmas cake into our mouths, when the doorbell rang. It made everybody jump. Auntie Jane nearly jumped out of her skin. I was pretty startled myself, I must admit. Anyway, there at the door – believe it or not – was Uncle Mac, with an armful of presents. (It was the first time in living memory that he had ever given anything to anybody.) Everyone caught their breath when they saw him. No-one could really believe their eyes. Poor Aunt Flossie actually fainted, and Uncle Bill kept blinking, as if he had seen a ghost. And Granny, who had been talking non-stop since breakfast, was absolutely speechless. I thought her eyes were going to pop out ofher head. I reckon you could have knocked all of us with a feather.

2. emotional. … I looked across and saw that tears were already trickling down Mum’s cheeks. I must confess a lump had come to my throat, and I was having to swallow hard. When the priest started speaking, Julia burst out crying, and that was the signal for Mum to break down; she was completely overcome. By this time tears were rollingdown several faces – including Dad’s – and I had a horrible feeling that I was going to burst into tears. The priest’s few words were very touching; I think he was almost moved to tears himself. I’m not surprised. They made such a lovely couple and Maggie looked great in white.

3. angry. … I think it was Dad’s side of the family that started it, when Uncle Mac started calling Uncle Bill names. Auntie Jane took offence immediately and then Granny joined in. She made Aunt Flossie lose her temper and soon after that Dad blew his top. That led to Mum going berserk – I’ve never seen her so livid. It wasn’t long before Maggie, for some reason, started insulting Uncle Tom and then it was his turn to see red; he really went mad – ‘furious’ isn’t the word for it. It was about then that Granddad, who had obviously been seething for some time, hit the roof. Things quietened down a bit after that and Granny dealt the next hand of cards.

4. afraid. …Well, naturally most of us were scared stiff. Only Maggie kept cool throughout. Mum went as white as a sheet and even Dad panicked a bit. Auntie Jane’s hair stood on end and Uncle Bill ran a mile. I must confess that my heart missed a beat or two. I mean, it’s not every day that a tax inspector comes to your front door, is it? All the time he was with us, Uncle Mac was twitching as if he had an army of ants inside his shirt collar. Whenever the phrase ‘failure to declare earned income’ came up, Aunt Flossie winced and Mac’s hand started shaking so much he couldn’t light his pipe. It was obvious that Granny was trembling too when she tried to pick her cup of tea up – three times. Everyone shuddered visibly when the man said he would be back – everyone except Maggie, that is. She didn’t flinch once, didn’t turn a hair. She’s either a very good actress or extremely honest.

5. embarrassed. … I could see that Julia was dying of embarrassment – not surprisingly, in the circumstances. I bet the incident is still on her conscience. Anyway, I could feel that I was blushing, and the other chap was as red as a beetroot. Julia had a terriblyguilty look in her eye, or rather, she had guilt written all over her face. She started stammering something about feeling tired and having come up for a rest. I didn’t know where to put myself, I can tell you. I’ve never felt so small in all my life; about two foottall, that’s how I felt. I stood there for a few seconds hoping a hole would open up in the floor and swallow me. In the end I just gulped and backed out of the room.

6. amused. … Well, everyone burst into laughing, of course. Uncle Bill laughed his head off, and Auntie Jane nearly died laughing. And you should have seen Granny: she was in hysterics. Even Uncle Mac couldn’t help laughing when he realized what the cause of their laughter was. The vicar was the only one who didn’t see the funny side ofthings; completely straight-faced, stony-faced he was. Granny was still hysterical long after Uncle Mac had turned round, chuckling to himself, and put the matter straight.

Word Choice

Choose the correct word to complete each sentence.

1. I couldn’t ______ my ears when they told me.

a. hear b. believe c. feel d. accept

2. The Prime Minister was ______ with rage.

a. wordless b. silent c. shivering d. speechless

3. Poor girl, there were _____ running down her face.

a. tears b. lumps c. shudders d. cuts

4. I must admit, I nearly _____ my sides laughing.

a. cut b. broke c. split d. swallowed

5. I can tell you, my heart nearly skipped a ______.

a. beat b. moment c. break d. turn

6. Everyone _____ out laughing.

a. break b. burst c. jumped d. popped

7. They had joy ______ all over their faces.

a. placed b. arranged c. poured d. written

8. My _____ stood on end when I saw him.

a. hair b. head c. heart d. eyes

4.3.8

Meaning

Supply the best word or words.

1. Jean gets very _____ if her daughter doesn’t ring her once a week.

a. moved b. agitated c. shaken

2. I was in a state of _____ waiting for exam results.

a. agony b. anxiety

3. Pilots always _____ passengers when there is air turbulence.

a. alarm b. alert

4. We’re going to have an early night and we don’t want to be _____.

a. deranged b. molested c. perturbed d. disturbed

5. You came in without knocking and made me jump. You really ____ me.

a. frightened b. scared c. startled

6. You can’t communicate with her at the moment. She’s in a real _____.

a. situation b. state c. position d. condition

7. I could see the house had been burgled, but I _____ when I went inside.

a. shocked b. shocked myself c. had a shock

8. I wasn’t properly dressed for the party and felt _____ my appearance.

a. ashamed for b. shy of c. embarrassed about d. ashamed of

9. She always _____ if you mention a subject that embarrasses her.

a. reddens b. goes red c. red

4.3.9

Vocabulary

In the following passages, you will meet about fifty

of the noises we humans make, many of them

without producing words. Read the passages and

learn the underlined words.

Sounds People Make

A. Read the passage and decide whose thoughts are being described.

I’m awake, lying here moaning, and nothing’s happening at all. Oh well, better start crying properly. Still no reaction. Right, they’ve asked for it. Here we go with a real scream. Ah, now I hear something next door. Must go on sobbing, so they realize it’s serious. Here she comes, muttering to herself. Why is it always her? Never him? Ah, a bottle. Excuse me, but it’s difficult to suck a bottle without making sucking noises, you know. Oh no, I’ve got hiccups again. Sometimes I seem to spend half my day hiccupping. Over the shoulder I go again. Oh dear, a burp. Pardon. Back to bed. Ah, I like it when she hums that song to me. Oh dear, we’re both yawning. Time to sleep again. I can hear him snoring next door. ‘Not a murmur now’, she says to me, the same as always. There’s no need to sigh like that, you know. You were a baby once.

B. It’s been a hard day’s night, as they used to say. My boss made my life hell today. Read the passage and find out what my job is.

I’ve never known a boss like him; you hardly ever hear him talking normally. He starts as soon as he comes into the office in the morning. If I’m two minutes late, he starts shouting at me. And you should hear him on the phone, yelling at some poor junior. When he asks you to do something, he just barks – like a fierce dog. And when he finds a mistake in your work, he roars like a lion. When someone asks him a question, he nearly always just grunts, like that. He’ll sit for hours grumbling about the weather, the business, his colleagues, the market. And he will mutter! Half the time you can’t understand a word he’s saying. The worst thing is his dictation. He just mumbles all the way through the letter; I have to guess every other word. Then he bites my head off when I’ve written something he didn’t want. I just start stammering and stuttering, and get out of the room as soon as possible.

C. The third group of noises comes from a theatre. Read the text and find out what is happening on the stage.

You can hear the audience whispering excitedly. Some of them are clearing their throats. Could they be nervous? Something’s happening. The audience are clapping; polite applause at the moment. Two of the audience are being invited onto the stage. The rest of them are cheering and calling out things. Now something is happening on stage; you could hear a pin drop. The two members of the audience are doing exactly what they are told and the chairs they are sitting on are beginning to rise into the air. The audience are gasping. Oh dear, what’s happened? They’ve suddenly fallen to the ground and look most upset. The audience are booing loudly. It hasn’t worked. Now they’re whistling. The whistling has changed to hissing, but there’s nobody on stage except the two members of the audience. Now they’re chanting that they want their money back. The manager’s coming out on stage. Listen to them groaning.

D. The fourth group of sounds comes from when I was ill last week. I really wasn’t well at all. Find out what was wrong with me.

It started on Monday. I really wasn’t well at all. I was sniffing all day. On Tuesday I hardly stopped blowing my nose and sneezing. By Wednesday I had a pretty bad cough. I tried gargling with salt water but it didn’t seem to do much good. If I had to go upstairs, I’d reach the top stair panting like a thirsty dog, and I’d still be wheezing five or ten minutes later. By Friday I’d lost my voice almost completely. I was croaking like a frog all day at the office.

E. The fifth group of sound-words, shows how different people reacted to the same joke.

Lady Thackeray-Smythe laughed politely. Her husband was chuckling minutes afterwards. A class of schoolgirls giggled. A class of schoolboys sniggered. An American TV audience shrieked and howled with laughter. Lady Thackeray-Smythe’s maid tittered. Billy Bloggs laughed like a drain.

4.3.10

Practice

Arrange the verbs in each of the columns below

according to how loud they normally are: the loudest

number 1, the softest number 6. Then write a sentence

of your own each verb to show what it means.

mutter

sigh

scream

yell

whistle

gasp

hum

groan

boo

whisper

roar

mumble

hiss

pant

howl

chuckle

sob

sniff

clink

crunch

pop

splash

sizzle

champ

Interaction

List the sounds you would expect to hear in the

situations below. Describe the situation.

a. in a football stadium on a Saturday afternoon

b. on a crowded beach in summer

c. at a restaurant at dinner time

d. at the scene of a major disaster

4.3.11

Translation

Give a literary translation of the following paying

special attention to the meaning of phrasal verbs.

Choose one of the pieces and make up several

sentences to expand it using the words and

expressions from this unit.

1. Becca told him, short, stripped sentences, no emotion in them, stark facts, no details.

2. ‘You’re a worrier,’ Josie announced grandly. ‘You’re all screwed up. Give a little, relax! Smell the roses! Experience life!’

3. Louise knew that her voice was smooth and soothing. She couldn’t help it. Any time she wanted a man to do something for her, she instinctively cooed. Twenty-nine years of training could not be overcome by sheer will. And anyway, it always worked.

4. He lost his temper completely, screamed, ranted, beat his head against the wall, called her every name in the book and some I’d never heard before.

4.3.12

Comprehension

Read a magazine article about the kinds of fear which

people can experience. seven sentences have been

removed from the article. Choose the sentence from

the list below which fits each gap. There is one extra

sentence.

It’s not easy trying to cope with fear. Most people at some stage in their lives feel afraid of something; fear of the dark as children, afraid of spiders or flying. [ 1 ]

However, some people are afraid of something to such an extent that it prevents them from leading a normal life. [ 2 ] It means that you cannot open a fridge door in case you get an electric shock, you cannot go into a brightly lit clothing store, you cannot go near any electrical equipment.

In fact, you can be afraid of anything and there is almost certainly a name for it. [ 3 ] Apparently, the list of phobias gets longer every day but for people who have a real terror of something, help is at hand.

Researchers are making enormous progress in understanding what a phobia is and what causes it. [ 4 ]

It is surprising how many people think they suffer from a phobia when actually all they are really experiencing is a strong dislike or distaste for something. [ 5 ] But that’s not the same as being really ‘mechanophobic’, suffering from a racing heart and being short of breath at a mere sight of a computer.

[ 6 ] If you can’t run away from whatever is causing the fear, you feel that death is inevitable. On the other hand, it’s natural for most people to feel afraid if they’re aboard an aeroplane, which is flying into a storm.

Most psychologists agree that phobias can be described in three main ways. [ 7 ] Then there are panic disorders in which the person is terrified temporarily for no apparent reason and thirdly, specific phobias – the fear of snakes, mice, heights and suchlike.

Progress in treating anxiety is providing help for many people.
For the most part, these fears are normal and do not interfere with our ability to get on with our lives.
You may think you are computer phobic and want to throw your machine out of the nearest window.
For example, ‘electrophobia’ – being afraid of electricity – makes life in today’s world extremely difficult.
Experts say that you can’t mistake a true phobia as it affects the whole of your central nervous system.
With this understanding has come a range of treatments, which can completely cure a person’s phobia or gradually reduce a person’s fear.
There are social phobias in which the sufferer is afraid of any kind of social or professional occasion.
You can be afraid of clouds, certain colours, bicycles, rain, mushrooms and even sitting down.

4.3.13

Discussion

Read the quotations about fear and say which of them

is closer to your views, experience or feelings.

* To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead. (Bertrand Russel)

* Let us begin anew – remembering on both sides that civility is not a sign of weakness, and sincerity is always subject to proof. Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate. (John F.Kennedy)

* Men fear death as children fear to go in the dark; and as that natural fear in children is increased with tales, so is the other. (Francis Bacon)

* Alas! the love of women! It is known to be a lovely and a fearful thing! (Lord Byron)

* And I will show you something different from either

Your shadow at morning striding behind you,

Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you

I will show you fear in a handful of dust. (T.S.Eliot)

* Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom, in the pursuit of truth as in the endeavour after a worthy manner of life. (Bertrand Russel)

* You may take the most gallant sailor, the most intrepid airman, or the most audacious soldier, put them at a table together – what do you get? The sum of their fears. (Winston Churchill)

* The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. (Franklin D.Roosevelt)

* In the future days, which we seek to make secure, we look forward to a world founded upon four essential human freedoms.

The first is freedom of speech and expression – everywhere in the world.

The second is freedom of every person to worship God in his own way – everywhere in the world.

The third is freedom from want.

And the fourth is freedom from fear. (Franklin D.Roosevelt)

* Cowards die many times before their deaths;

The valiant never taste of death but once.

Of all the wonders that I yet have heard

It seems to me most strange that men should fear;

Seeing that death, a necessary end,

Will come when it will come. (from Julius Caesar by Shakespeare)

* Through the Jungle very softly flits

a shadow and a sigh –

He is Fear, O Little Hunter, he is

Fear! (Rudyard Kipling)

* It is a miserable state of mind to have few things to desire and many things to fear. (Francis Bacon)

* As for me, I see no such great cause why I should either be fond to live or fear to die. I have had good experience of this world, and I know what it is to be a subject and what to be a sovereign. Good neighbours I have had, and I have met with bad: and in trust I have found treason. (Queen Elizabeth I)

4.3.14

Speaking

Speak about a memorably embarrassing or funny

experience you have had. Say how you and people

around expressed emotions.

4.3.15

Writing

Write about one of the following subjects:

* Write about a time in your life when you were very frightened – either as a child or as an adult.

* Do you know anyone who is very afraid of something, like spiders or heights? Describe the fear, how it makes the person feel and act, and what he or she has tried to do about it.

* Write some advice for a person who is afraid of small closed spaces, or speaking in public, or aeroplanes, or …